This topic enters and re-enters my life: How to tell when a man is looking at another woman with a stimulated libido and when he’s just admiring the long-haired, chesty blonde for what she is – an attractive individual. What are the distinguishing red flags? Is it the amount of time he fixates on this other female? What if his eyes are bad and it takes longer for him to focus on what he’s attempting to admire? …or is that the problem? Should he have enough respect not to spend time focusing on someone else while his supposed “whole world” is standing right next to him.
Well, to be fair, one must also pose the argument that looking is a natural human thing… we all do it. I myself have been accused of staring at another whilst in the company of my significant other… apparently my mouth drops open, causing me to fail at completing sentences. I believe this to be an exaggeration and not relatable to the topic at hand, as I am prone to distraction – whether hot male or squirrel.
However, let’s suppose that I do notice a highly good-looking, chiselled jaw type. I look and think, “Nice-looking fellow”…I then move on with my life. My mind does not wander to down under. Can we say the same for men? That they won’t have sexual thoughts about the attractive woman standing before them, especially since they are known to be more visual creatures? I’m not psychic. I don’t know what that look that went a couple of seconds too long was all about. So what now?
Well for starters, “hypotheticals are destructive.” A good friend went on to say that they are also endless. For example, hypothetically, what if he did have a dirty thought about the long-haired, chesty blonde? What if he wished he was single in that moment so he could pursue her? What if for a split second he completely forgot I, his girlfriend, was standing right next to him? You could drive yourself insane coming up with “what if” scenarios.
So instead, another friend offered this advice, “Stop putting so much value into the physical.” You have to be confident in yourself as a person inside and out. Then no pair of breasts and golden hair will move you.
With all the offerings I’ve gotten from men over the years – the moon, the stars, their hearts, their very souls – it’s a wonder I haven’t become ruler of planet earth… or worse, Satan. However, even though I knew I was loved, I was always hypersensitive to them looking around. I would watch for it. I would obsess about it whenever I knew we’d be around other good-looking women. It wasn’t for lack of confidence in myself on a physical level. It was simply because when a guy tells you he loves you, you expect to be enough. When he looks at another, you start to question whether you in fact are enough and you begin to wonder if this other person that has peaked his interest has something that you’re missing.
Here’s the thing, there will always be people who are just as pretty-in-the-face as you are, so focus on the fact you’re the whole package… and trust that the individual you’re with knows that too. So even if he looks, no matter what the reasoning behind it is, you won’t stress. He’s with you for a reason. Own it.
If he’s stupid enough to ever take you for granted, you can move on to something better with the confidence that his lack of interest had nothing to do with you.
…and men, feast your souls not your eyes!