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Reflections

I do… not

(Excerpt from the film Mr. & Mrs. Smith)

Mrs. Smith: “There’s this huge space between us and it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other… what is that called?”

Psychologist: “Marriage”

For us single women, marriage is starting to look like an out-dated tradition. People get married thinking, “Well, if I end up hating him/her, there’s always divorce”… and sure enough, a month later they’re splitting the house down the middle. So romantic, sign me up! It’s as if right after the “I do” part, both parties let out a sigh of relief that they won’t be dying alone. They think to themselves, “They’re stuck with me.” The P90X DVD starts collecting dust and the romantic gestures start consisting of leaving the toilet seat down and forfeiting that last slice of salami sitting in the fridge. Work consumes most of their days and that quality time that’s supposed to be happening after work hours, is spent getting annoyed at the little things in their spouse that use to make them smile. The weekends are a getaway from the everyday routine, which your partner happens to be an accomplice of, so you agree that spending the time apart and with friends makes the most logical sense. Three years of this sour arrangement and then throw kids into the mix… you’ve got yourselves the foreshadowing of an ugly split.

“It’s okay to send flowers, but don’t let the flowers do all the talking. Flowers have a limited vocabulary. About the best flowers can say is that you remembered.” – Jim Rohn

Catch my drift? You have to talk to each other occasionally. It must be in the fine print somewhere on the marriage contract, probably why so many couples miss it… “We have the rest of our lives to talk and right now the hockey game is on” or “Shhhh, I haven’t seen this episode of Jersey Shore!” Communicating is over-rated because your significant other should know by now what you’re thinking, they should know that you really meant “no” when you passively aggressively said “yes” and they should most definitely know that you love them without you ever having to say it.

You wake up the morning after moving out of your family home and into the transitional 1-bedroom basement apartment, wishing you hadn’t cheated on your spouse with the individual who is now sleeping with your boss. You start to resent the thought of not having a full-time kid, but instead one you get to borrow every other day. And the best part is, you’re back to dying alone! That child you tossed back and forth like a tennis ball for all those years will eventually move away and become your very distant pen pal. All because you were too stubborn or “busy” watching re-runs or instant play-backs to talk about it.

So try it. It may save your marriage… or worse, it may gain you some company “till death do you part.”

-LMS

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About Little Miss Spanglish

Bright-eyed dreamer, set in her ways... enjoys working-out to slow jams. Hates being called by her full name by people close to her. Has never had a pet, yet has names picked out for her future fish, cat and Teacup pig (name of future dog still in the works). Loves receiving handwritten letters in the mail (long, handwritten messages in thoughtfully picked out cards also result in a smile). Will stare in disdain at her plate if it is inhabited by: brown rice, asparagus or beets (coming around on the beets). Finds skipping-down-a-sidewalk to be a lost art in adults... refuses to let that happen to her.

Discussion

One thought on “I do… not

  1. I was raised Catholic and believe that marriage is sacred, and the most powerful weapon humanity has to manifest Love. Within a family and towards a community; it all starts through the union of a man and a woman. As a single man, I feel marriage is under attack from every possible angle, within itself (the woman and the man looking inwards when their success depends on living for each other), social opinion that it restricts your freedom and selfishness. Love, they say, is never selfish. It’s troubling to see the suffering children live when divorce comes around. I fell it is up to our spiritual, or religious or whatever leaders of society to recognize the necessity to instill in our future generations the knowledge of the wonders that forgiveness brings. Too many men and women are getting married and are not able to comprehend what it means and don;t know how to forgive or ask for forvginess, it’s alien to them, and to put it in a different manner, marriage is like two children being given their very own special planet, full of their dreams and desires, and have not been provided survival training, they will not be able to form a healthy community and “populate” their world as they will not know how to defend themselves from the beasts waiting in the dark…Greed, selfishness, indifference, insensitivity and the inability to discern accordingly when trials that everyday life provides present themselves.

    It’s my fault and our leaders fault, those who teach our youth, those who influence social messages of “me first”, “justice for me”, “I am owed justice”, we, and I include myself because I should do more for society than I do and know I can do, we are to blame for the way the world finds itself, because peace and love start at home and if mama and papa are not talking and fight all the time, well then, little Jimmy and Sally, and Juanita and Pepito too, they will not know how to survive in their jungle…

    I enjoyed reading this blog LMS

    Ernesto

    Posted by Ernesto Angel Castro | October 8, 2011, 6:06 pm

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